Sorry my week 3 essay is late, I hope you can still find the time to go through it.

Submitted by guest (not verified) on 27 November 2012 - 9:35am

To The Editor
I am deeply concerned about the high rate of traffic accidents which is of constant occurrence in my country. Traffic accidents are the main source of carnage in my country. This is due to a significant amount of reckless drivers. These drivers do not consider themselves responsible for the lives that they carry in their vehicles. Therefore, I strongly suggest some measures I think will be of great deterrent to the high rate of traffic accidents in my country.

Firstly, no drivers should be allowed to have the music being played, so that others outside of the vehicle can hear it. This kind of driving cause both drivers and pedestrians to lose their focus on the road. It also affect persons travelinginside the vehicle when the music being played is too loud.
Secondly, cameras should be installed at stop lights. These cameras should be setup so that, the police stations in the area will have visible contact with what is happening at the stop light. There will also be a record of the of the licenses number.which will help the police to find such persons who break the stop light or drive over the speed limit.

Thirdly, Drivers who have being charged for more than (3) kinds of any offenceof the road traffic act. Will have their licenses taken away for no less than three years, or permanently depended on the nature of the offence. People in my country rather to go about their everyday activities moving around at their own leisure. Knowing that the sanctions for breaking the road traffic act is of such a high penalty. Drivers will be acting more responsible on the road. This will reduce the high rate of traffic accidents in my country.


Kathy-ann Daniel 28 November 2012 - 11:20am

Hello Elladi,
This persuasive essay is excellent. Your first paragraph is a great set up introduction for your following points. You state that the drivers are "reckless" and go on to show how in the following paragraphs.

I like the way your three points supporting your position are laid out in three separate paragraphs - nice! This makes it so much easier to see each of the three points that you are making. Also, you used each paragraph to expand on your points and support them with details. Since you use a separate paragraph for each of your three points and put your supporting details with your point in each paragraph, your essay is easy to read. It is clear and your points stand out.

You sentences are not too long, your spelling is good and your use of language is good.

I would say this i a grade 1 essay.

Good work Elladi! You and June really did great work this week.



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