cxc story

Submitted by guest (not verified) on 18 May 2009 - 1:13pm

"althought I felt sorry for him ,I don,t think he deserved another chance

I heard a knock on my door ,I peeped throught the window it was a strange dark man standing at the door with a bag in is hand .I did not answer I yelled "mom some one is at the door."she look throught the window but the expression on her face look as if she as seen a ghost .Mom who is that man at the door she did not repield.My mom told me that i should not answer the door are make any noise i must let him call untill he went away ,then there was a horn blowing out side the gate my mother stared through the window , it was the school bus that bring my little brother from school .My brother came in the yard on see the man sitting under the tree.The man ask "Where is you're mother ?"My brother ran because he was a fraid of stranger . My mother open the door because my brother was teified and their was the man on the stepped .The man call my mother by her name . They where out there talKIng for a long while, then my mother brought the man inside .Tanya and Mark this your father .I was shock because my mon had told me that my father had died for cancer . I ask my mom why did she lied to as for all those year . she told me that my father had migrate form I was a baby an for the sixteen year she as not heard from him . my mother told me that the who claimed that he is my dad is going to spend a few weeks ,because he had been deported fromed the USA and he does not have any where to go .Although Ifelt sorry for him ,I don't think he deserved anOnther chance.


tara (not verified) 18 May 2009 - 2:52pm

some body ppppppppppppppppppppppplease read my story

Kathy-ann Daniel 18 May 2009 - 3:57pm

take 5 minutes to read Tara's story and give her some feedback on it? When your read and comment on her story, you are also helping yourself you know. You are practicing recognizing the requirements of good short stories and that will help you when you are writing your own short stories.

Tara has also been kind enough to post some CXC poems and answers here. Will someone show her a little kindness too?

Sasha British (not verified) 18 May 2009 - 11:44pm

I like it so much...full of suspense and it went from the climax to why u said he didn't deserve another chance, it was smooth and well written. Pay keen attention to ur grammar and punctuation.

Dot ur i and cross u t
i before e, except after c eg. (believe and conceive) notice the transition with i and e
After a fullstop/period you space and start the new senttence with a capital letter.
Use a comma when u pause...except when you are not trying to show the readers suspense. However it can be a credit when u use it in that content. (For example, the man gazed at my brother. My brother ran. The stranger got up and approached my mother. She looked.) You use short sentences to make it more exciting and unpredictable. All in all it was a wonderful story and I enjoyed reading it. It gave me some ideas. Thank you

I wish u well in your exams exams tomorrow. With stories like that u are up for good marks

Sansha (not verified) 18 May 2009 - 11:55pm

ok it seemed like a nice story but there were too many errors and always remember you must stick to one tense of speech which is past tense. Also, although it's supposed to be a short story, I found it to be too short.

admin 19 May 2009 - 1:17am

Hey Tara, I like the way you organized your story to be a bit mysterious. I also liked the way you revealed the identity of the, "strange dark man standing at the door with a bag in is hand." toward the end.

Don't forget to use paragraphs.
Avoid using direct speech if you are not sure about the punctuation.
Make it just a little longer.

Good Luck in your English A exam!

Well I think your story has a good message or plot to write on. However, the way you put it over was not so impressive. Maybe, you could have used more interesting and appealing language. It was a little too plain. Nice it up with words that can attract the attention of the reader. Also, I hope that was just a portion because that don't look like 450 words to me. It looks a little less (maybe you have about 449). Well I wrote CXC already so I don't even remember the word count and I generally have high standards so don't be too demotivated by my comments. Your story was ok.

Kathy-ann Daniel 19 May 2009 - 12:30pm

Hi Tara,

Its good that the time-frame of your story is so short. What this does is give you more time to expand your story by describing in detail your feelings during that time.

You could write about your heart pounding with fear of this man, your hands feeling wet and clammy and that sort of thing. You could also expand your story by setting up the scene so that you describe it as bright sunny day. Then you introduce the dark stranger as, "dark cloud appearing to cover the sunlight and brightness of the day". There are many ways you could play with the scene using descriptive words and comparisons to stretch it out to about 400 words.

I also agree, if you are not very comfortable using words in quotations marks, you should stay away from them completely. All in all I would say you have a great story that you can improve by just polishing it here and there.

Alexxia (not verified) 22 May 2009 - 8:10pm

i am studying to take my english exam for the 3rd time my weakness is diction, vocabulary and time management can anyone help me please..

tara (not verified) 5 June 2009 - 12:09am

i did made my comment

junneth (not verified) 28 October 2009 - 10:03pm

i need help am bad at this

junneth (not verified) 28 October 2009 - 10:20pm

It was my birthday...but i had to go to the doctor because i was not feeling well.Also on that day my boyfriend was going away on a football scholarship so i had to accompany him also to the airport but i had no knowledge of what was goin on inside of me. I got to the airport and when i said my farewells and i cried my cries i started to feel ill again so i was rushed to the hospital by my brother who carried me to the airport.when i get up to the doctors office he looked at me and smiled...then he said first i'll take a pregnancy test and then i'll take some urine test,when he said then i start gettin worried because i was in fourth form but with all of my fright i still had the nerves to laugh. he took the test and when the results came back,the freckled face doctor entered the room he start to comfort me cause he knew my situation,he pat my back and said "well,i have good news and bad news,well the good news is that your going to be a mother and the bad news is that well you might have to come out of school one year later.
So when i got the news i called my boyfriend who was in trinidad at the time waiting for his flight and well he came over in tobago and we are trying to raise our child the best we could........ok that my problem i start off good then i dont know how to end good!!!!

junneth (not verified) 28 October 2009 - 10:25pm

comment on my story tell me what it needs want i dont need,critisize it plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

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