Chad visit his wife Deedra at the Dixon Memorial Hospital. She had been there for some days now. Both her parents and elder brother die from the deadly disease cancer. She thinks it might be a family trait and she too might have the disease.
A few years back she found out that she couldn’t have children, she curse the disease; she convinces that the disease had deprived her of God’s gift to man to reproduce and bless this wonderful place call earth.
“How are you holding up?” he asked, sitting at her bedside, with her black Asian hair against the white pillow.
“I’m doing fine” Deedra doesn’t mention the pain. She doesn’t want to upset her husband.
“Did you tell the doctor about the belly cramps you had been feeling when you were at home?”
She nodded. “He said, it might have been side effects from the pills I had been taking”
Chad tries to comfort her.
He slips his hand into hers. He looks down at her; her face looked a bit puffy and pale with black pouches under her eyes. He lifted his hand and wipes her cheek with his finger and said, “You’re going to be absolutely fine”
Chad fears that he might be wrong, but he doesn’t want his wife to worry.
He thinks back-he doesn’t want to-he can’t help it, at times, good times, when he would chase her around, in the house, and she would sprint off like an Olympian, squealing in excitement.;He sat musing on past memories not knowing that his world was seconds away from crumbling
An alarming beep echoed in the room, breaking his meditation, it was the heart monitor, which was close her head, at her bedside. Each second, the sound became louder, stronger and faster beep, beep, beep….What happen next took him by surprise.
Her hands began to tremble violently and her body twisted and turned uncontrollably. Her palm suddenly felt cold, and that sent him in panic. He gave her hand a tight squeeze and began shouting her name. Deedra! Deedra!
A cold hand grasped his wrist as he slumped to his knees; it was Doctor Fredrick. “Sir please get outside,” the doctor said.
GET OUT SIDE, two simply words, but by God, it told him everything.
He felt a sudden emptiness deep within his heart. He felt as if someone penetrated a knife inside him and kept twisting his trips. He felt as if his whole world was crumbling and he was left to pick up the pieces. His red eyes burnt. He felt tears of sorrow, rushing, ready to burst and fill his tear ducks.
He took long hasty steps, looking for a safe place to release the pain. He turns to the first door he embarks upon, pushed it open; inside, and on the shelves, was fill with white bottles, of medical items.
“I bet any of these items can get the job done. I bet one of these items can give me a quick and easy death.
He reaches for one of the small bottle item, opens the lid, turns the bottle to his head and gulped in a few pills-not sure how much he took, but he was sure it could get the job done.
No sooner, in a few seconds, he felt dizzy and in a few minutes his blur was now in complete darkness.
*
*
A voice, he heard a voice, a voice he recognizes; it was Doc Fredrick.
“Am I finally DEAD?” “I’m in heaven rite? But, what are you doing here?” He asked.
The Doctor gave a booming laugh. “You crazy man, no you’re not dead. The pills you took were just some sleeping pills and you’re going to be absolutely fine. And your wife, Deedra, she doesn’t have cancer. Turns out that the cramp she was feeling is the confirmation of her pregnancy; and you two should be expecting twins.”
_______________________________________________________________
I know that this story is more than 450 words,but i've seen the award winning stories and they too exceed the limit. This story is just 655. And what i had notice in their instrution was that,they didnot say that they wouldn't access the rest of words which exceed the limit. So i think i'm okay, i just might get good marks for it.............
HI Kayls22 Thumbs up to you
HI Kayls22
Thumbs up to you also, hope you did well.And that question was rather easier than the other.
great story!
u have a great story. without a doubt ur gonna get good marks. love the surprise ending btw. thumbs up! :)
I don't know man,this looked
I don't know man,this looked like a good piece of writing.you also utilize the twist perfectly. i think you will get the award .
Hey, can someone tell me the
Hey, can someone tell me the consequences you face by examiners,if your story is incomplete.time ran out on me in the exam.I begin it like this."HE SLOWLY PLOD OUTSIDE THE BUILDING.THE NIGHT WAS DARK AND MURKY.IT WAS LATE, STANDING BY IS SELF HOPING THAT HE COULD GLANCE IS DESTINATION. I did about one & half pages .Do you think that i can still get good marks for EXPRESSION still, let me know plezz.
Re; can someone tell me
At the starting it was very well express and i think the examiners will see that. But what i don't think is that, they will not give you all marks because you have to prove to them that you can actually do it and sustain that same standard. But i don't think you have to worry as long as you did excellent on you're Summary and Argumentive essay.Doing those two alone and the short questions answer can definitely award you with a two are probably better.
HEY HOW DID YOU MANAGE YOUR
HEY HOW DID YOU MANAGE YOUR TIME,TO WRITE SUCH A LONG STORY,DID YOU FINISH ALL THE QUESTION.
@Periodic Disaster No, in
@Periodic Disaster
No, in fact, i didn't get to finish all the questions. I manage to finish my Argumentive essay,my Summary, obviously the story and half of one of the short answer questions, actually more than half.
As for your other question. This story was one of the many stories i had already written and happen to remember it in the exam. I had so many more i could write about, but i remember this story quite clear, so i wrote this one.
really answer my question,
really answer my question, how did you, do all of this within the short time given.i wish i could wrote such a good story like this.
your short story answer
Did you actually memorize some short story answers that you had written before the English A exam and then wrote one of them in the exam?
Or did you just happen to remember this story that you had written before?
I am trying to understand how you managed to write such a good story.
Re: your short story answer
It was one of my many stories i had already wrote and i had happen to remember it in the exam. Probably not every word and every line on this one was written in my exam but its not far from it, i think there basically the same.
Hey,i knew it.I was also
Hey,i knew it.I was also trying to do something like this,but my story line was far from the one that was given.However, what you did was brilliant,because you also put the story line in your own twist.
the story was good but seems
the story was good but seems like an overreaction by the man.. you misspelt a few words at the beginning but yea it's a nice story, definitely above average. If you did this well in all other sections you should get a one.
Re Cazaubon
Hey Cazaubon,
Thanks for your comment, it was really appreciated and your point was taken. But honestly, personally I don’t think there were any overreactions by the character. In fact, that’s one technique out of many when writing stories especially when your aim is to create a twist somewhere in the story. You need to try as best as possible to avoid transparency in your story; try not to make it predictable, because then, your readers would lose interest before they even finish reading the story, you need to get your readers caught up and try to create and interesting and comfortable atmosphere for them to keep reading. And I think I executed that perfectly.
Hey Businessman have you done
Hey Businessman have you done English before,cause your writing skills in story-writing is good.Which grade did you got last year.you must be aiming for two ones in English,great story.
RE Hey bussinessman
Hey Jazzz
In fact, i did, but it wasn’t last year, I did it and math when I was in grade 9 and receive a grade three in English and a four in math, but, I reset math in grade 10 and got a three also.
Thanks to this site I was able to see the AWRAD WINNING stories and understood what CXC was looking for from students, so I went and did my research and read lots of other short stories and practice to write in such way.
Honestly, I personally think this site offers ALOT and I definitely ADVISE MEMEMBERS AND GUEST to ABUSE this opportunity because it really helps.
Anyway, thanks, I’m happy you enjoyed the story.
please comment on my short story
he sat at the corner of his room , with depress in his twinkling eyes, playing a musical instru
ment to achieve some sort of console from his melancholy world. lonesome smacked him like an heavy intrument, as tears plodding down his face like cascaded waterfall His mind drifted to the occurrence ,which transpired a few years ago. On that fateful day he remembered, laid his hand on the frosty metal rail staring at the setting sun , when a loud pounding was on the door. He rushed to the doorway,where he was greeted by an masculine voice that indicated to him that a little boy, probably, four –year –old, was flung into the river as a dilapidated bridge crumbled with him.
A dreadful sensation saturated his body as muttered to himself, perhaps it is john .
From that transient moment, he proceed frantically, his heel created rapid sound and his hair dancing in the wind , as he rushed through the path where the trees foliage grow beyond the eroded fence to the vicinity where the tragic incident transpired.
he eventually arrived at the scene , where panic set his heart beat like a drum in her chest . he stared in disbelief as desperate effort is being made to retrieved the body from the glossy river buttom, his gazed lingered as the water encircle him like an embrace
His worst nightmare was confirmed ,when the body was rescued , and it was actually his son . he dashed towards him adhere to the hope that he was still alive. They shadow merge like an hen sheltering her chicks, as he cuddled him . The merely sound that escaped from his soggy lips was goodbye, it faded as the wing carry away his voice and he was left alone. Silver threads of tears plummet down his face like droplets of rain , as he stared at his lifeless body.
The rustle of the wind, roused him from his drifting thoughts. he was amazed of the imagination , which cause an astounding sense of serenity to smacked him .
he actually felt his jovial smile beyond him , which seem to glided him in adventure. He was lured into he past , merely to had this auspicious day be remembered , which is his son john , death anniversary
Your short story
Your use of language needs a lot of work. The way you use words shows that you don't know their meanings or how to use them.
May I suggest you start reading short stories by other writers so that you can get a sense of what good short story writing looks like? It is the fastest and the easiest way to learn how short stories should be written. It will also give you a better sense of how to use words in short story writing.
Good luck!
For real, you should pay more
For real, you should pay more attention on how you utilize your words.For example,the second line."Tears plodding down his face",instead you could say,tears descend his face.
thumbs up!!! i did this
thumbs up!!! i did this question 2!!!